the downward spiral
by astudyofmemory
Summary: There is no time for falling in love in this world.


**A/N: **Oh no I did it again.

Based on the prompt for day 4 of RivaMika Week - The Seven Deadly Sins. That in itself should be an indication of the nature of this story.

Beta-read by Arianna (randomteenager). If you're into Fairy Tail, Final Fantasy, and the like, make sure to check her stories out!

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><p><strong>Lust <strong>- _an intense desire_

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><p>It starts with a simple, accidental touch to Mikasa's thigh under the table.<p>

Levi doesn't mean to brush his hand across her leg while reaching his hand down to scratch at his ankle, but the way she noticeably flinches the moment he makes contact piques his interest. He flicks his eyes up to see a faint blush dust her delicate cheeks and her noticeably averting her eyes. Curious to see the change in her expression, he experimentally trails a knuckle up her leg for a moment as he gets back up, and her reaction is almost comical. The thought of a deadly warrior like her getting so riled up over a simple touch is amusing, a stark reminder of how inexperienced she really is compared to him. Still innocent at heart despite the horrors she's been through, and Levi shakes his head at the thought.

The next day, however, it becomes apparent that Mikasa is more than willing to return the favor.

He's casually taking a sip of his tea when he feels a hand subtly brushing his hip, making it hard for him to focus on swallowing. He doesn't have to look in her direction to know it's Mikasa—that stone-faced expression isn't fooling him, and he knows she's the only one who would have the gall to so much as even touch him. He's surprised, really; she's never struck him as the type to be so bold with her advancements, but when she moves that hand slightly lower to the underside of his thigh, he finds that he doesn't mind at all.

As time goes on, it becomes a sort of game between them.

Every day the position of their hands change, sometimes going as high as the top of their hip bones, and other times as low as the backs of their knees. Mikasa takes to squeezing his thigh and making him jolt; Levi is fond of testing the boundaries, going as far as to trail his finger up her inner thigh and feeling her legs clamp together as if to prevent him from going any further. Levi doesn't go beyond than she is comfortable with, letting her set the boundaries and make the first move.

Their touches outside the dinner table become more common; a gentle touch to the nape of his neck, a warm hand on the small of her back when he's correcting her stance or simply standing next to her. Levi brushes her hair out of her eyes more often than not, and Mikasa fixes his cravat and makes sure to let her fingers brush his neck, reveling in the feel of his harsh swallows and thrumming pulse beneath her fingertips.

They're both competitive by nature, always trying to outdo the other despite the situation, so naturally this is no different. Levi feels a sick, twisted pleasure in making Mikasa's face turn at least ten shades of red, enjoys the way she fidgets in her chair and shoots him heated glances when no one is looking. Mikasa feels equally satisfied in making her captain lose his composure, to make those eyes cloud over with unmistakable desire and hear the way his voice deepens as he struggles to keep his expression under control. It's a competition now, to see who can last the longest without losing their self-control.

Mikasa tries her hardest to see it as nothing more than a game, but as time goes on and their little routine becomes regular, the longing she feels brewing within her can no longer be ignored.

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><p><strong>Gluttony <strong>- _the over-indulgence and over-consumption of anything to the point of waste_

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><p>Mikasa has never been too fond of alcohol, but when Hanji brings a whole box of liquor to their cabin to celebrate their captain's birthday, Mikasa decides to take this opportunity to let herself unwind.<p>

Not an hour later the box has been emptied, bottles and glass strewn everywhere and the strong and bitter scent of alcohol permeating the air. Her senses are numbed, her mind nothing but a hazy wasteland as she takes in the scene before her. Hanji, Sasha, and Connie are giggling madly, Jean is staring into space with a despondent look in his eyes, Eren appears to be arguing with himself, and both Armin and Historia are sleeping soundly against the wall. She doesn't notice Levi until much later, and when she does she sees that he is staring at her intently.

She doesn't know what possesses her to do so, but she stomps over to him and grabs his wrist, dragging him into the kitchen. Levi is surprisingly willing to follow her, staying silent the whole time as she wobbles her way into the empty hall.

"C-Captain," she hiccups in the middle of the word, feeling a bit taken aback with her forwardness but not necessarily ashamed, "We need to talk."

Levi remains silent and continues to stare at her, the slight flush of his cheeks the only indicator of his inebriated state.

Mikasa fidgets under his stare. "I like you and I know that I shouldn't," she blurts out, throwing what little inhibitions she has to the wind. Her mind feels foggy and suddenly so overwhelmed, making it hard to put a filter over her mouth. "And it makes me so angry because I know you don't think anything of me and don't feel the same and God, why do I always have to feel something for people who don't feel the same and you drive me insane because I want to do things to you I've never thought of before and—"

Mikasa's words are cut off when Levi puts his hand over mouth, keeping his intense gaze on hers. A warm feeling settles in Mikasa's stomach, unfamiliar but not necessarily unpleasant. She swallows heavily at the look he's giving her. It's all heat and heady desire, dark and absolutely thrilling.

Levi slowly brings his face to the juncture of her neck and shoulder and skims his lips across the area, trailing them up the side of her neck and to the underside of her jaw. His lips travel to her ear, and the sound of his throaty voice turns her knees to jelly. "Do it."

That's all the motivation Mikasa needs.

It's only until later that night, once the effects of the alcohol are fading and she's getting her bearings, that Mikasa feels a bit oddly about the situation at hand. She is still a romantic at heart despite all she has witnessed, and her first time wasn't anything like she had imagined it to be. It had been mind blowing and incredible, but the satisfaction had been merely physical. There is a feeling of aching emptiness in her chest, the need for absolute fulfillment.

Mikasa sighs and turns over, observing the bare expanse of Levi's back. She pins all her hopes on the possibility that he will get around soon enough, and keeps hanging on.

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><p><strong>Greed <strong>- _very excessive rapacious desire_

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><p>Levi develops a liking to taking her in wherever area he finds, Mikasa notices.<p>

She doesn't really have a problem with it, at first. Both of them have been starving for physical affection for quite a while, and there's just something so special about seeing Levi's face in the throes of passion. She loves being able to see him in a way no one else can, of seeing him so vulnerable and unraveling before her very eyes.

But as they settle into a routine Mikasa notices an odd shift in his behavior. Her captain has always been moody, rude, and unhesitant to snap at others for whatever reason he saw fit, yet there is something different in the way he glares at Eren and Armin whenever they get too close to her. At first she thinks nothing of it, thinks that that glare is no different from his usual, but as time goes on she notices the way he's so bitingly rude to anyone who dares to even approach her.

Later that night he whispers into her ear "You're mine, and only mine" before crashing his lips against hers, and Mikasa isn't as gratified with his apparent possessiveness as she thought she would be.

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><p><strong>Sloth<strong> - _failure to do things that one should_

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><p>Mikasa knows that Levi is a hard-working man. His position didn't come to him by it's own volition, requiring years of hard work and impeccable talent.<p>

Naturally, Mikasa had thought Levi would make a similar effort in their relationship.

She waits patiently for his rough kisses to turn gentle, for the bruises he leaves scattered across her skin to become love marks. Making love is an expression that Mikasa has always found silly, yet the more their routine continues, the more Mikasa longs to be able to call their little trysts something more than sex.

She tries one night, attempts to bring their pace down with languid kisses and slow rolls of her hips, but Levi wants none of that, choosing to growl at her to hurry up before increasing the pace of his thrusts. Mikasa finds herself too lost in the feeling to keep her thoughts straight.

She clings on to the hope even when all is said and done and she's left with nothing but the view of his slender back. He never wraps his arms around her afterward, keeping his distance on the bed, yet she feels a peculiar sadness when he refuses to make contact with her afterward. The longing makes itself known as time goes on, increasing with Mikasa's desperation to make a deeper connection with humanity's strongest soldier.

It's not enough, and Mikasa finds the thought weighing on her mind during all hours of the day.

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><p><strong>Wrath<strong> - _inordinate and uncontrolled feelings of hatred and anger_

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><p>They are summoned to a meeting in the imperial capital.<p>

Mikasa has always been reluctant to attend such events, finding them a bit too intimidating, even for her; Levi doesn't say anything regarding her obvious discomfort and keeps a stony silence on their trip. Mikasa notices that he doesn't speak much outside of bed, and try as she might, their lack of communication bothers her immensely.

Mikasa is too caught up in her thoughts to notice the man creeping up behind her.

"Hey, pretty lady," he slurs. The foul stench of alcohol and filth emanating from his sweaty skin makes Mikasa's stomach churn unpleasantly. She is suddenly glad for the cover of her cloak, for without it she surely would have felt naked under the man's repulsive gaze. "The name's Paul. How's about you and I have a little fun? I can make ya feel real good."

Mikasa swats away the arm he attempts to wrap around her. "No thanks," she responds coldly.

"Oh, come on." He hiccups. Mikasa feels the anger welling up in her chest at an alarming pace. "Quit being such a prude. I'll show ya a good time."

Mikasa is moments away from punching the disgusting man across the face when a familiar hand reaches out and catches him by his wrist.

"Leave her alone." Levi's voice is low, slightly rough from lack of use, but its effect is no less chilling. Mikasa feels a bolt of fear slink its way across her spine, regardless of the fact that the threatening words aren't directed toward her.

The man named Paul snorts. "What can a midget like ya do to me? I doubt ya can even leave a scratch. So how's about you bug off and give the little lady and I some alone time?"

There is nothing but dead silence after that, yet the glare in Levi's eyes is so strong Mikasa can almost hear the air crackling with its intensity.

"Levi," she murmurs, noticing the way his grip on the other man's wrist tightens.

Levi says nothing, only squeezing the man's wrist with bruising force.

"Whoa," Paul chuckles, but his voice sounds strained. The fear that clouds his eyes is unmistakable. "Yer grip's getting pretty tight, there. Maybe ya can—"

His words are cut off by the sound of the bones in his wrist cracking, eliciting a piercing scream that draws the immediate attention of bystanders. Mikasa's eyes widen in horror.

"Levi!" Mikasa hisses again, grabbing his arm in an attempt to loosen his grip. Levi doesn't listen, only tightening his grip further despite the broken bones in Paul's wrist, eliciting another pained shriek from the now red-faced drunk. "You're drawing attention!"

Levi, seemingly ignoring her warning, lifts his leg up and drives it into the back of Paul's knee. There's another sickening snap as Paul's ankle gives way, and suddenly he is on the floor, his screams replaced by choking breaths and wide eyes frozen in shock.

"Stop it!" Mikasa's voice comes out more frantic than she had intended, and she grabs his arm again and pulls with all her might, successfully diverting his attempt at aiming another blow to his stomach.

Levi shrugs her hand off and continues in the direction they had been walking in before, as if he hadn't just broken a man's bones mere seconds ago. His indifference toward the situation nearly brings bile to Mikasa's throat.

"What the hell was that?!" She grits her teeth in an attempt to keep from yelling at him. "You could have killed him!"

Levi narrows his eyes at her. "I could have, and I would have had you not intervened."

Mikasa freezes in her spot, clenching her fists. Levi just continues to walk away, disregarding the horrified look Mikasa practically burns into his back.

She swallows the sudden lump in her throat. Never before had she thought Levi to be so inhumane. She knew him to be bitingly cruel, but never to the extent she had just witnessed. There's a strange pressure in her chest and her throat, making her feel nauseous.

It takes nearly a minute for the tears to show up.

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><p><strong>Envy<strong> - _the desire to have a quality possession, or other desirable thing belonging to someone else_

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><p>Mikasa has always been the object of people's envy; ranked number one in her class, a prodigy among the military, a beautiful girl with stunning foreign features unknown to most of mankind.<p>

She finds it cruelly ironic that she has become privy to the same sort of envy she was was used to receiving.

She thinks about the couples on the street more often than she should – their joyful smiles, the way the love and admiration lights up their eyes in a way that makes the cruelties of the world seem bearable. It's sickeningly sweet, and she wants all of it.

Receiving such sweetness and affection from Levi is a silly expectation, but Mikasa has never been fond of public displays of affection. A loving glance or touch is enough for her, yet Levi gives her none of that, treating her with the same passivity as he treats the rest of their squad.

She feels the little ember of hope within her begin to die out little by little.

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><p><strong>Pride<strong> - _believing that one is essentially better than others, failing to acknowledge the accomplishments of others_

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><p>Naturally, their prideful nature is a leading factor in the end of their relationship.<p>

Mikasa refuses to outright ask him to make it official, instead opting to give him a hard look with her eyes and demanding he do something about it, about them. Levi turns a blind eye during moments like these, not even bothering to say a word to her or bring up a topic similar to that of what she really wants to talk about. He does not care for petty trivialities like these, scoffs at the thought of them, and Mikasa in turn keeps her distance when they are not covered by the night. He knows she feels and desires more, but Levi never comments on those desires, and she in turn does not bring it up. She will not give in first, and as the weeks go on it is evident that their lack of communication spreads like poison through their relationship.

Mikasa feels numb during sex, her mind too clouded with rampant thoughts to actually enjoy the feel of him. Levi doesn't comment on this and instead focuses on his own pleasure, attempts to fill the empty void in his chest that he knows will never be able to be fixed.

Levi wishes he feels something when Mikasa abruptly pulls on her clothes one night and whispers "I can't do this anymore" on her way out, but when he stares at the door with lidded eyes, he finds he can't bring himself to feel anything at all.

Mikasa slides her back down the wall once she's outside, cradling her head in her hands. The tears she was expecting don't appear, but the hollow feeling in her chest remains. She feels the strange urge to laugh at the situation.

How could she have expected a person like him to fall in love with her? Levi was clearly a broken man, his emotional response long destroyed by his internal suffering. He was already broken when she came along trying to help, yet it should have been glaringly obvious to her that nothing could put him back together. It was utter foolishness to believe that two people so similar and so irrevocably destroyed could fit together when the pieces were shattered beyond repair.

Mikasa leans her head against the wall and takes a deep breath. The world has never worked in her favor, anyway, and this should be no different. It had been an impermanent solution to an everlasting problem, and her naïveté had gotten her hurt. Again.

Mikasa stands up and makes an attempt to regain her bearings before heading back to her bedroom, the one she hasn't occupied in months. There's no point in letting her mind linger on what could have been, what kind of relationship they could have had in a world that wasn't theirs. But this is anything but a happy life, and Mikasa knows that by the next day everything will be back to the way it was before, when they were nothing but a captain and subordinate playing a deadly game of kill or be killed. A tag-team duo, akin to business partners and nothing more. Tumultuous emotions are to be detained. Connections are to be permanently severed. Pain and grief will make their presence known.

There is no time for falling in love in this world.

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><p><strong>AN**: I adore Levi, but I don't think most people realize how cruel he can be. *spoilers ahead* In the most recent chapter he is shown to be prepared to torture information out of somebody (whether or not he actually does is yet to be determined), and let's not forgot about his words to Annie while in her Titan form. And the way be mercilessly beats Eren at the trial? He's a good man at heart, but he's definitely cruel. I hope that point came across in this fic.

I can go on and do a full character analysis of him but I'd rather not hehe.

Thank you for reading!


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